To all the folks trying to tell me that Browns jokes aren’t valid anymore because “ZOMG they are Super Bowl contenders!”, I’m glad you are excited about your team, but until they make the playoffs, I feel like LOLBrowns jokes are still valid.

You’re going to hell. Save me a seat on the bus. +1.

To really put the duration of this contract into perspective, when it expires, R. Kelly will try to have sex with it.

My wife and I went through a very similar experience, but we are in Ohio. Went in for a routine check up at 20 weeks. The doctor came in and told us they suspected he had bilateral renal agenesis, meaning he didn’t develop kidneys and likely wouldn’t be able to develop lungs. Told us they have only ever had one case…

Can the Padres opt out after 5 years if he sucks?

Caption:

Football games=no longer nice MLS stadiums.

I have tried, and tried, and tried and I just can’t get worked up over this.

I would very much like to see a followup to that episode. A great Simpsons football movie is very much needed in this day and age.

We sure he’s dead?

Next up on Deadspin:  Let’s Remember Some Horses

Dead? No, he’s not dead. See?

John Elway runs the Broncos the way Homer Simpson groaned at the mere prospect of owning them, when Hank Scorpio gave him the team.

Seriously. I hope the $50K included them installing a special “mulligan” button to keep him happy.

I’ve given it to your mom plenty of times and she said it’s been more than sufficient

Makes sense.  I’m sure they can afford to replace the QB that got hit in the last video because these guys are probably making minimum wage, but those game balls are expensive.

In this case, “unsportsmanlike conduct” is cover for “Dude, we can’t afford to replace that ball, and we only have this stadium until 7pm!”

Anyone who Oxycondones this bullshit is Dilaudid

Also a Stephen.

If you’re married and you clip your nails in bed, you deserve divorce. Fellow Steve here btw, you’re making the rest of us Steves look bad. Do it somewhere else. I bet you floss in bed too?