I’m hoping this is how things go down at the RNC tonight.

my four-year-old daughter said, “Daddy you don’t remember anything!” Since then, she’s said it a few more times.

“Do we have to pay for those fines too?” - NBA

I’ve had the same thought. Here’s what they should do:

As long as everyone else has an umbrella, I think they should be OK.

Word has it that Lou Holtz’s speech has long plagiarized Peter Gammons’ tweets.

This is an old photo. A Von Miller statue has that ball now.

I’m 38 and I give myself hand jobs nearly every day.

Hey, nothing wrong with an old fashioned every once in a while.

Last time I put something in the mitt without looking, my wife screamed like a banshee and I slept on the couch.

Actually, I am surprised someone had the balls to report him.

The same reason I leave the fridge door open. I know I’m coming back later, so why the extra fuss?

The bat flip without the follow-up fist to the face seems so hollow. I would vote for a Flip-Fist ticket in a heartbeat.

1991 Twins winning the World Series. Four of those games were decided by a single at-bat, and five games were won by a single run.

“ Take Charge. Take Action.”

Seems like it would undermine the whole purpose of a drug test. At that point what would prevent both fighters signing releases so they could each dope up to the gills?

I totally underestimated Dana White. I thought his jeans would be bedazzled.

That catch literally looks like a catch from a Madden game where the ball glitchteleports into the receiver’s hands after hitting their avatar.

Foreplay was 15 minutes of Russell talking about how great KY jelly is.