What is happening with this pic? Did they shrink Blake’s features down? Does... does he always look like that? Is his hair so big b/c it’s full of secrets?

Let’s be real here, the shitty American knockoff would obviously be called Billy Toes.

Dear god, if there was ever a time when I wished that “fired” really did mean “out of a cannon, into the sun.”

I’m posting this here because I must post it and have no idea when I would be able to do so in an appropriate context.

And? There’s no direct way of stopping right wing idiots from ranting about stupid shit. They already do, and they’ll continue to regardless of how this played out.

So this little old lady goes to the doctor and says “Doc, ya gotta help me. I fart all the time! They’re totally silent, and they don’t smell, but I can’t stop it! Please do something!”

When my wife and I first started living together as a (not yet married) couple, I noticed on a lazy rainy Saturday that she kept getting up from the couch we were sharing to go to the bathroom. It took about five trips before I realized she was going in there to fart. Then I said the words that have haunted me ever…

The not-Ian Fleming James Bond author isn’t sorry he said that. He is sorry no one agreed with him.

If Kanye’s job now is to just troll the shit out of Taylor Swift at every available opportunity then I am completely on-board.

Okay. That is a concern. But weigh it out. Baby/daddy bonding time plus dad understanding the physical demands of parenting plus some relief for mom VERSUS what if the baby prefers bottles from here on out and for some reason we don’t want that. I get that maybe a baby won’t take a bottle. But not all women can stay…

I like that he thinks that of all the people’s he’s hurt, he’s hurt Jesus the most. Unreal. The make-believe person in the sky is the most aggreived party in this case. Nevermind he’s a philandering, porn addicted child molester. Let’s all be concerned about what this did to Jesus. I can’t even.

One of my BFFs got an engagement puppy instead of a ring. I am so happy I was there when another friend was like “but the dog will die eventually! That’s stupid!” She answered “yes, the dog will probably die. And when he does, we’ll go down to city hall and file for divorce the next day. I’ll text you.”

He treats objects like women, man!

What about a trophy wife that you didn’t earn?

Actually, no. With parents today, kids don’t know they aren’t good at their activities and giving them trophies for participation only propagates the idea that everyone is a winner and that everyone is a special snowflake. Yes kids know, but here’s a ribbon just to throw it in your face some more.

well then if you are folding it yourself you need a bone folder! (which is a wonderful tool. I have one)

I want to see it done with macaroni pasta and called “rustic”

Raise your hand if you’re still interested in this Ben Affleck Nanny story. Anyone? ANYONE?

homegirl is fucking lucky as shit and also has the lightest period on god’s green earth bc if that was me please believe they would have blurred out my entire lower half and all 26 miles behind me that were literred w huge globs of my uterine lining.