STOP CUTTING ONIONS IN HERE!

I get a lot of customers where I bartend that launch into racist tirades, often too loudly (cuz alcohol), just because I’m white and therefore -must- be on their side. Little do they know, I donate a portion of their tips to a different charity every month for things I know they would absolutely loathe! NAACP, ACLU, Na…

I know it operates differently in different states — here in Tennessee (except for Dolly’s home county, where she foots the bill for everything) Imagination Library handles the logistics of selecting, purchasing and shipping the books. The cost is split by the state and some sort of local agency in each county — a…

I never thought years of restaurant training and courses of food safety would come in handy one day THIS WAY*, but... *deep breath*

What’s wrong with wanting privacy, and also to talk to the press when they want? What’s wrong with wanting to have some control over how the media talks about you?

This video is adorable, period. I won’t hear a word against it. 

I am continuing my wildly successful and unbroken streak of denying myself organized religion for Lent. I recommend it for everyone.

“Hi! I’m Michelle Obama. I’m set for life with a couple of best selling books under my belt, a husband with a couple more, lifetime retirement because my Husband was President, and I’m friends with royalty and commoner alike. I’m probably the most respected and liked public figure alive in America today! I could spend…

“At least we are not as bad off as them.”

I also distinctly remember learning how to use a manual can opener to open a can of cranberry sauce for a Sunday dinner. My grandfather narrated the entire thing like it was a horse race and it was a victory when I made it all the way around the lid. 

Martha Stewart's new pot and pans collection. 

It must be nice to be a lazy writer and not even bother to do the bare minimum of research to not come over like a whiny, petulant twit.

Um?

In the UK we just share pictures of dogs at polling stations...

Just wondering if Matthew McConaughey will be driving Lincoln while doing audio recording for a book?

Disrespecting the beliefs of others speaks more about you... not them. You don’t have to be religious but you also don’t have to be offensive or condescending. 

Watching him gasp for air.... I’m not proud, but schadenfreude is sometimes so delicious.

There’s absolutely no room for this sentient pink glitter Motorola V3 in this time and age, we should have left him on MySpace back in 2006.

Everyone gets to put in a request for what prison they go to. It’s really common, but I guess people don’t talk about it much.

Everyone gets the chance to submit their choice of prison, usually related to how close it is to immediate family. The judge then decides if they request is reasonable, and they go from there. My mom is at Victorville, and she asked to be sent there from Texas because it’s closer to me. It sounds wild, but it’s very…