No joke, my cats are so frickin spoiled. My vet gave us a bag of Royal Canin when we bought vaccine packages for them and now they seriously WILL NOT eat anything else. They will starve before eating any other cat food, expensive or cheap. $33 for cat food would be awesome.

Ha! I just commented upthread that I was surprised no one had brought that out, because that's all I could think of while trying to read it.

Not gonna lie, I was more hoping for a "Larry, what the fuck are you talking about, please?" Although it probably would've worked better for Deniz

Ugh. I feel ya, hun. My mom and I used to get calls from his mother (I refuse to call her my grandmother), until she passed, whenever I had a new sibling. Now I get occasional emails from one of my little brother's moms. I have no idea how she knows what he's up to. I'm seriously beginning to wonder if she had him…

...I just had the exact same thought. I don't have him on my Facebook or anything, though so I can't check. He doesn't marry his baby-mamas anymore, though, so I think I'm okay. Good to know I'm not the only one with a messed up bio-dad situation. How many siblings do you have? I'm at 10.

I actually had this happen once. I was ringing someone up, and said "Happy Holidays," and she snaps back "It's Merry Christmas!" I was like, "Actually, it's Happy Hanukkah, I was trying to split the difference." She said sorry and refused to make eye contact for the rest of the time she was at my register. I hope she…

Ha! Needs more umlauts. Höesbëast.

See, I always heard it and spelled it "hoesbeast" in my head. I'm a bit young to have seen Wayne's World when it came out, and I don't think it ever occurred to me as the originator of the term. I always figured it was a play on the term "ho" and none of your very reasonable definitions ever occurred to me. Not…

Mine was a 45 lb turkey that chased my cousin and I up into the rafters of the henhouse when we were 6 because we were in the fenced area tto feed the chickens. That mofo was delicious.

Oh, absolutely. It was just very funny to me because he is usually such a laid back guy. Watching him storm around the kitchen bitching about people who want him to ruin steaks was the highlight of my night from my lonely pastry corner.

Yaaassss! Amazing. It's everything I never knew I wanted.

Isn't that horrible? You wouldn't believe some of the shit people get at Starbucks. The number of people who get caramel macchiatos with an insane amount of caramel sauce in them would boggle your mind. Like, literally asking for 2 or 3 inches of caramel at the bottom. (I still throw up in my mouth a bit thinking…

Right? If I had any art skills whatsoever, I'd be drawing this right now. Wonder if there's any chance we could get Tara Jacobi on this?

Lol, three years out, and I'm still startled every time I look in a mirror and my hair isn't blonde.

That's pretty on point. I work in pastry on the other side of the kitchen, so I'm not 100 percent sure, but I'm pretty sure whoever ordered it had sent it back and the table was a pain in the ass in general. Chef was pretty pissed at that point.

A quick sous vide and a quick "fuck you." I think they had sent their first one back.

You make an excellent suggestion, but I have to take issue with the idea that they aren't already living with dangerous levels of insanity.

oh my Jeebus, thank you. I was just sitting here attempting to figure out which of those two killed more brain cells while reading about them.

True story: I personally witnessed a chef who got an order for a well-done steak wrap it in foil, run it through the dish machine twice, and then dump it in the deep-fryer for five minutes. Don't ever order a well-done steak.

Depending on the size, it's usually 3 to 5. I can beat that though. I put 35 pumps of syrup in someone's iced coffee. Thet ordered a venti iced coffee with classic and caramel up to the first line (about a third of the way up the cup) coffee up to the second line (about an inch above the first) cream up to the third…