No, why don’t we say 9:30 and then make it our beeswax to start watching at 9:30?

Let’s say we’ll start watching by 9, that way we can actually start watching by 9:30.

People who sing in public are the worst. No one wants to hear your out of tune ass serenade people trapped with you on a train or in a restaurant or a store. Unless it’s “Happy Birthday To You” and you are bringing me a desert with a candle in it, shut the fuck up and restrict your tone deaf warbling to the confines…

True story: I made a batch of these for an office Christmas party and over the course of 2 days ate the entire batch by myself and had to pick up grocery store cupcakes to bring instead.

I don’t even know what to say.......

For anyone here who says vaccines are dangerous - the method used to produce vaccines has been studied for over 200, close to 300 years. Cars have been around for less. Microwave ovens have been around for less. VACCINES HAVE BEEN AROUND LONGER THAN HANDWASHING AS A MEDICAL PRACTICE.

This is genuinely terrifying.

This is genuinely hilarious and much needed right now. I get married this coming Saturday and the beautiful outdoors reception I’ve planned for a year has to suddenly change because the weather is going to be about 98F — over 20 degrees hotter than it usually is this time of year in my town. I’m a little freaking out,…

gif party?

THIS is the only instance I can think of

Jesus Christ, what a bunch of butts. I don’t have kids and I don’t want kids and I don’t really like kids but I do my best to nod along supportively when people talk about their kids or show me pictures or whatever because that is basic human courtesy and also I guess it’s really nice that people love their kids? It’s…

During a recent transaction, an elderly woman handed me a twenty and said, with eyes a’twinklin’ “Did you hear they might put a woman on the 20 dollar bill? I’d love to see that before I go...” And then we both melted into a puddle of feelings.

Seems a good idea but it is being brought in by Tony Abbott. This does not compute...

I have three. Only problem is I live alone and therefore do not have enough petting hands for all of them. Which means you guys can get two more!

Flying on a plane with your period is just irresponsible. You want to attract flying bears? Because that’s how you attract flying bears.

Frankly, I think it’s just stunningly childish and irresponsible that these people would get on airplanes without up to date Cooties vaccinations in the first place.

I am intrigued by the way that song abruptly cuts off: “What do we want? A girl worth fighting -” I’ve tried to convince my daughter that it’s deliberate, that they actually want a girl who can fight, but she’s not buying.

Every few months, I call my little sister's phone (which she never answers), and yell these lyrics into her VM.

I'm only interested if B.D. Wong has a starring role.