I leave read receipts on (because I appreciate when other people do it) so i have to strategically look at texts. It's complicated. I should probably just turn them off.

JEZEBEL FOR THE WIN.

You really can't blame Starbucks, I used to work behind the green apron and we were told to always politely inform our customers iced cappuccino isn't even a thing. I always enjoyed that because people never get defensive when you correct them. I truly blame gas stations that have those beverage stations with over a…

Aurora Borealis, at this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of the country, localized entirely in your kitchen?!

It's a great place for a Jay Smooth "what you are" vs. "what you did" breakdown. Nobody cares that you think you aren't a sexist, dude — what you said was super fucking sexist.

A girl call Jim could be the next big hipster trend in your land.

It's fine. We have a female rat named Steve. She rules the cage and looks good doing it.

I find this all hard to believe.

The guy at the end LASSO'ED THE LLAMA FROM THE BACK OF A PICKUP TRUCK.

NPH and David Burtka! Especially around Halloween.

if kbell and dax have been doing couples therapy i am once again super impressed and inspired. what a healthy responsible choice for parents in such a unique situation.

Bad thing: He killed a guy with a trident.

Bad things about Steve Carrell: He is not, currently, my best friend.

It's reading things like these that reinforce my opinion that everyone in the general public needs to work in the service industry for one year just to gain a different perspective of how their food comes to them. Think of how much better tips would be and how much easier service type jobs would be

It's never lupus.

We rescued a Border Collie mix a number of years ago and he is not exactly agile. He can't jump more than a few inches off the ground to catch anything and whenever he does jump to catch something and gets all four feet off the ground his eyes register nothing but PURE FEAR. WHERE DID THE EARTH GO???? PANIC!!!

MOM MOM MOM MOM MOM

Aww, he's so happy at the end. I'm tearing up. :')

"Don't hug me, Mommy, I must bark!" "WOOF!"

HE'S SO HAPPY AND PROUD OF HIMSELF! If you have a border collie and don't give them work to do, you are literally denying them the thing that makes them happiest in the world.