I once went to a pirate themed wedding and honest to god it was the best wedding I’ve ever been to. Yes finding a costume was kind of a hassle, but listening to the ceremony being conducted completely in-character made it all worth it. Most weddings are so fucking boring. This one was magical.
Yep. We got married on the London Eye, mostly because each capsule only holds 16 people. After us, the two officials from the local council, the requisite Eye employee and two ushers pouring champagne, there was only room for nine guests. The reception was afternoon tea at a hotel.
All of you have made me very happy indeed. Bless you, my dears. May the light that shines from Trogdor’s trail of burnination forever guide you. xo
Bird knew he was colluding.
Someone in the media should start a “sources say he throws like a girl” campaign, just to piss him off.
If you ever had any doubt that President Vladimir TrumPutin was an un-American shit bag, look no further: The…
We’ve got laundry machines downstairs in the building but it’s four each for 140 units and at least one of the machines is always broken. I’ve gone in, washed laundry in a washer, dried my stuff, and by the time I got my stuff out of the dryer the washing machine I had used earlier was out of order. It had just been…
You don’t know laundry hatred until you have children. Onesies with long sleeves. And short sleeves. And overalls. And little pants with feet. And little pants without feet. And pajamas - with feet, and without feet. And everywhere you look: so. many. goddamn. little. socks.
And I like the smell of bleach, especially when I’m cleaning up after myself after disposing of the body.
Do you listen to podcasts? I love drinking wine and listening to a podcast while I fold laundry. Podcasts and wine make any chore endurable.
Yes. Alas, Murphy’s Law applies to kids’ pockets. 8-(
I gamed this system by paring down to the extent that my ENTIRE wardrobe (outside of one suit for fancy occasions) fits in a single washer load. Checkmate.
Dude, I try. I TRY. So much checking of all pockets on all clothing. But sometimes I miss, or get lazy and skip like TWO garments. And, of course, those are the ones that contain a log of cat shit my son has decided to stash in zipper pocket of his sweatshirt.
You’re a monster. Any one of those statements earns you that monniker, let alone all of them together. Good Lord.
You don’t do your laundry at a laundromat. What are you, a crazy miser counting pennies? You hand it off to the lady behind the desk and come back in the afternoon. It costs maybe $6-$10 more and in exchange you don’t have to spend your time at a goddamn laundromat. Is your time worth an extra $10? Drop it off and…
The best is when your kids secretly stash random objects in their pockets that you fail to discover before running the wash. Then you are subjected to everything you own being melded together with an orange crayon, or mulch chips, or a handful of Hershey’s kisses, or chewing gum.