“The video doesn’t corroborate our story, but trust us, it’s our story that’s right and not the video. Because video, much like science and the female orgasm, is a just a bunch of lies.”

Jennifer Aniston needs to get W magazine on the line for a family-themed photo shoot with Justin and her dogs pronto.

I’m totally reading every last post about this divorce, but is anyone else starting to hate themselves for it just a little?

are all the covers of tabloid magazines black today? it’s their 9/11.

Never forget. (Couples with strong marriages making movies together about couples with broken marriages then breaking up shortly after is the new old thing.)

need gif of rachel saying, ‘once a cheater, always a cheater’ next to ross.

I hope she and Billy Bob get back together. They always seemed like a nice couple.

As Rachel Green’s mother Marlo Thomas once said “Once a cheater, always a cheater.” Jen will take the high road, but in private I hope she drinks champagne all day and ignores her phone except to laugh at Courtney’s texts.

Makes sense, she can’t stay with someone for too long. Otherwise they start asking questions about how she never ages and needs permission to enter people’s homes.

It sounded like Willam.

Wait, that’s Trump? I thought it was a picture of old Biff from Back to the Future Part 2!

Starred for Cerrano and Jobu. And remember, is very bad to steal Jobu’s rum. Very bad.

‘McGangBang’ is the greatest thing I’ve heard since ‘Shitburgers’

cut his mic

Of course you shouldn’t take cheap shots like that in real life. There are far better things to criticize Trump and Coulter for in a legitimate argument. But, this is a roast. Cheap shots are where the money’s at. It’s a mix of brutally deep cuts and the cheapest of cheap. Peyton’s giant head. Pete Davidson looks like…

I try to think of his face or body at all, but when I saw a photo of him today in a crisp white shirt, all I could think of is what a huge Tang colored ring around the collar he must leave behind.

Let’s remember this is the guy who started out his campaign by calling Mexicans rapists and murderers. Calling him out on his looks isn’t even close to stooping to his level.

The orange skin and awful hair are completely fair game. He went out of his way to look like that.

I mean, as Jewel said: “As a feminist, I can’t support everything that’s being said tonight, but as somebody who hates Ann Coulter, I’m delighted.”