I dare you. I would fund that.

I feel the same way about masturbating at the public library.

Best. Pickup line. Ever.

If a player did this, columns would be written across the country and Goodell would suspend him two games. Four if he were black.

The sick fuck really did like to eat fresh.

I wouldn’t have to rip them if they weren’t so expensive on iTunes.

Oh, Dottie. No.

No need to reanimate him, Ken Starr’s very much alive and in need of a job after being fired for spending the last several years covering up sexual assaults at Baylor. 

Hitler literally wrote a book outlining what he planned to do once he got into power and a lot of people just didn’t take him seriously, so the lesson from that is to take politicians who say horrible things at their word and not dismiss seemingly outrageous calls to deport an entire religion or commit war crimes…

Jet fuel can’t melt pussy!

Roy Orbison - Crying.

Thing is, I think this (rather insightful) article by David Wong makes a really good point: the political polarization in the US is no longer between conservative and progressive orientations spread evenly. Instead, it’s between urban elites (and the urban underclass whom they oppress) on the one side, and rural…

Dear American People,

Take some solace in the fact that no, the United States of America isn’t descending into madness or going to hell, because this isn’t a phenomenon exclusive to you. I mean, the hate, the divisionism, the “us vs. them, and they should die in fire”. It’s happening everywhere around the World, right…

I appreciate and respect the sentiment, the bravery, and the integrity in taking a stand even in the face of violent opposition.

Lord, I remember when my sister was fifteen, she found out she had crabs on easter day while taking a bath. My Mom is a nurse but a bit of a neat freak and she damn near burned the house down when she found out. She washed every piece of linen that we had and vacuumed every surface in sight. She freaked me out so bad…

I think I’ve told this story before. When I was in high school my best friend had an older brother who was the coolest kid in school. I showed up at their house and bff wasn’t there but his older brother, who was usually so disdainful of me, was. He said, “I gotta run an errand. You wanna take a ride?”

The cough syrup!! XD

Listening to that Access Hollywood video about Donald Trump has made me clench so tight I am confident my uterus isn’t going anywhere.

Where did you get the idea that the “greys” is a sort of of dump site where only the stupid, uniformed, and delusional hang out? Oh, trolls too. I have enjoyed long periods of “ungreyness” in the past. I didn’t care for it. One has to say just the right things, be willing to let the PC du jour blow you around. It’s…

I really want a major sports athlete to give a deadpan postgame interview where when breaking down the game they keep referencing familial ties.