You should really get your own vagina. It’s the best.

and I would shout after you in vain... “Le singe est sur la branche...” with the only French I can convincingly pronounce.

perhaps angelina jolie is a pain in the ass

THANKS FOR REMINDING ME I’LL NEVER HAVE TURTLE BABIES BLUESTONE!

Booooooring. Sportsball is so boring. Halftime shows, too.

“manner and variety of dicks” needs to be its own blog.

before looking pointedly at your stomach

Anyone got the plus-4 for the zip on the Her Snatch address?

Sammy Kogvik? Of the Juneau Kogviks?

I can literally smell the yeast. Grotendous.

Aaaaand the Texas “Campus Carry” law starts off with a bang.

she is accidentally shot in the fracas

They’re missing. And not only that, her gums are in terrible shape!

No, but I know a million others with which I will see you and raise you.

Am I the only one here who is actually thrilled to be part of the Pussy Generation?

There are real questions about vaccines. Here’s one: are you a complete fucking moron? No? Then get your kids vaccinated. I could go on...

JESUS WAS NOT BORN IN AMERICA AND DID NOT SPEAK EANGLISH.

Regular vaginas don’t differentiate, but Christian vaginas definitely do. As long as it’s from a Jesus-blessed union, performed missionary only with the lights off, a Christian vagina can take a pounding night after night and still wake up each morning like the sandwich on the right.

Or has she deviated too much from her ‘girl next door’ thing and now they don’t like her anymore

You’ll have to pardon me for staring so intently at your vagavatar, but based on the meat/bread ratio and the greenness of the pickle I am picking up a distinctly Katz’s deli in Manhattan vibe. Am I close?