Yakkety Sax should be the soundtrack for this clip.

Even Joe Theismann tweeted about this one. That’s like the sports injury equivalent of a blessing from the Pope.

I prayed for Puerto Rico, so you can thank me for the quick recovery.

Heh. Hawaii isn’t a state. It can’t be. EMPRURR BARACK HUSSEIN OBUMMER is from Hawaii, so obviously it’s somewhere near Iran.

I worked in Saudi for 2.5 years. Sorry, this is not news. It would have been news if women were allowed to attend.

The token gestures of reform were to distract the world from a blatant power grab. Look at the shiny keys while I imprison all my rivals!

That would be something to see. A dead singer performing for a dead dictator. Yeah, I’d pay to see that.

And ever since he voiced his admiration for Frederick Douglass, the LIBRUL RAGS have notably stopped using Douglass as a source. I haven’t seen a fresh quote from him for over 100 years! The LAMESTREAM MEDIA ruined his career!

Absolutely. All the DISHONEST MEDIA is doing is repeating what comes out of his word hole. The media is overwhelmingly conservative and has been for the last quarter century. We really need to put this “liberal media” meme to rest. Every day, every g-d day, he says or does something that should ruin his career. The…

I picture Neo dodging bullets in The Matrix when I imagine the gyrations you went through to miss my point.

Because the DISHONEST MEDIA is still, fucking STILL trying to report on this shitshow according to established journalistic norms. They want to show “both sides” and not show “bias”. As a former print reporter in Washington, I’m sickened. Trump and his lap dogs piss and moan about how unfair the press is to him, when…

“Knock, knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“The Mooch!”
“The Mooch who?”
“We’re sorry, but the Mooch is no longer employed here.”

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Easy there. He’s got God on his side. So...

Pfft. Why would they run for office? While it’s undeniably cute how you mention “civic engagement”, it doesn’t address more pressing issues. How many oil execs are on their Christmas card lists? Which Wall Street firms did they work for? How many guns do they own?

Bingo. It would be soooo much easier for all involved if they would all just come out of the g-d closet. It’s 2017, ffs. It’s better to be openly gay than to be a hypocritical piece of shit. My gaydar goes off every time I see Mike Pence speak. If he’s not in the closet I will allow this laptop to have its way with…

Good point. If I want to write a novel about a dystopian future I should call it November 20, 2017.

I live in Cambodia, where the supreme court dissolved the opposition party at the, um, request of the strongman dictator, who’s been in power for nearly four decades. It’s now officially a one-party country. One of the…

Should have used Papyrus.

I would love to see Tennessee hire Gruden. I went to Florida. I hope they do it soon, so we can start speculating about when they will buy him out and who will be hired to rebuild the program. If Gruden won’t bite, I hear Ditka has a lot of free time these days. Herm Edwards, too.

FYI, reigning Heisman winner Lamar Jackson is having a better season than last year. Just sayin’. He won’t even be invited to the ceremony because... Louisville can’t play defense? Or something.

Ray Lewis’s success is proof that God loves all of you. And by “God,” I mean Ray Lewis. And by “all of you,” I mean Ray Lewis, too.