he’s the best. i loved when he would call justin masterson “justin masturbate”. also, when he drops an oh-so-subtle “This guy sucks!” - never fails to make me laugh

You know who would make an excellent cursing announcer? Dennis Eckersley. He doesn’t give a shit about sugar coating things, makes good points, and can really drive home the vitriol when needed.

i tried the chicken fries and didn’t eat at BK again for the better part of a decade. They were that bad. I used to LOVE burger king. 

two things from my office:

man, philly is a disgusting shithole filled with awful people, but hot damn, this was great. 

guest ref Megan Fox skating around the rink in daisy dukes

Definitely a bridgewater swamp yankee “my kid is on pills / lock her up” thing

this is less a horror story, and more of a tale of glory... but my cousin worked on the hill for many years. when he first started, he was as low on the pecking order as you could get and got to lead constituent tours around the halls of congress. on leading one of these tours (walking backwards), he bumped into…

My first name is Mike and my last night is Italian and very long and complicated, so most people truncate it down to “D”. So i am mike d. (with your bad breath onion rings). i get a lot of beastie boy references thrown my way, which in the grand scheme of things is pretty good.

i had a similar experience, except it was two world war 2 vets (rocking their veterans hats) sobbing uncontrollably during that scene. needless to say, it made it a lot more real than i would have ever expected it to be. 

The real thing pizza shuttle is shuttling is the human ass to the toilet. that pizza looks like a recipe for spicy diarrhea. 

these were a staple of my youth. only i was too much of a hog to wait, so i’d add the ice cream immediately after the eggo’s came out of the toaster. messy, but heaven sent. i introduced this style of ice cream sandwich to my wife a while back, and her mind was blown.

i pretty much only remember him eating tostitos. i don’t know where he got his nutrients from, but i do remember how serious he was about the no holes rule and his roommates backed up his claims. 

a guy i knew a while back refused to eat any food with a hole in it. bagels? nope. donuts? nope. any pasta type that was a hollow tube? NOPE.

Fans of this video will also like:

Computer: Load up celery man

how this reply isn’t outscoring the original comment is beyond me. 

how long will it be before i can wear my black fred perry polo without people thinking i’m associated with these turds?