It may not shock you to learn that Leonard was, even then, a man of few words.

I can’t be trusted

Real “we’re all headin’ over to Gary’s to look at his new chest freezer” energy.

Not enough people talk about LeBron. Thanks. 

Say what you will about Rex Ryan, but he is an excellent judge of character and someone who will always voluntarily walk a mile in another person’s shoes.

(Be sure to thank Mimi Graney, who brought this festival into the world.)

“Are you sure that’s a catch?”

(Somerville, to be precise.)

Peanut butter and fluff. Then you can also feel superior to everyone, because you are Boston.

Every one of his tattoos looks like he got paid on Friday, went out drinking that night, then tossed his last two crumpled twenties on the counter of the dirtiest shop in town and asked “What’ll this get me?”

Dammit. I’ll keep it going with U-20 puns for 400, please.

*disappointed Alex Trebek voice*

I can’t go for that

I guess he was just feeling his Håland oats. 

If an 18-year-old says he scored nine times, it means he maaaybe got one handjob.

You’re hired for the marketing job.

I would add that they should install a smooth hard surface of some sort over everything beyond 400 feet so that if you hit what used to be a home run, that ball is never going to stop rolling. Also institute a rule that you can run the bases multiple times for multiple runs, but if you’re on your second or later time…

Not that fast. 

Is it me, or did Deadspin’s switch over to a fetish site happen really fast?