I swear to god, I looked at it like six times and every time thought it looked funny, and never solved it. My brain is pure shit.

to discuss a forward Walton wrote for a book Tennant published in 2014

Sure a boat’s a boat, but the mystery box could be anything — it could even be a boat! And you know how much I’ve wanted a boat!

I’m sorry, Davis.  I can’t allow you to fire me.

The altitude on that thing is ridiculous. It would probably have been eye level to fans in the upper deck, if there were any fans in the upper deck.

That throw reminds me of my Little League career. “Not a backstop in town can hold him”, they said.

He and Trump are the Two Spideys meme.

I have so many questions...

I’d go with climax.

To be fair, the Mets’ MRI machine is just a refrigerator box with a bed of ball bearings and a white noise machine.

Elbow: Who we pitching for these days, Jake?

This is sort of the reverse sequence of the time when a kid beat me up in 3rd grade, and my older brother found out about it and went after that kid’s older brother, and that older brother beat the shit out of my older brother.

I am unable to distinguish between the fart sound and every other sound that has ever come out of his mouth.

I propose that if your home run makes contact with a structure that’s absurdly high off the ground, it should count for two.

If it’s more important for you to have an emotional “moment” than to have a fair outcome, go watch a fucking movie.  

“Hold my ambrosia." - Zeus

Oedipus was really the original Greek Freak

“Giannis is a bit of a motherfucker on the court”

After all these years, an annoying white guy who won’t go away finally gets me to root for Duke.

I believe that was Wilt Chamberlain’s pick up line