and a four-year playoff drought with which to entice Trout to stay

Hinkie already predicted you would type exactly this. He is hinkniscient.

unwisely admitted the team’s willingness to spend “stupid” money

Orbital Spikes are usually good enough for a 7-seed in the East, though. Warriors’ll have to do more damage than that.

this is the Sabrest thing ever

There’s a lot to unpack, but: There have always been whispers of cheating at the very top echelons of bridge for a long time. Some pairs get more whispers than others. One particular pair of offenders were investigated by other members of the community, and took a closer look. After going through tons and tons of…

“Character coach” has a much nicer ring to it than “normal person with a conscience”.

He doesn’t, but former PGA Snazzy Outfit Man Jespererererer Parnevik does.

Interestingly, not even the first time this has made news. Or, “news”, anyway. (Fun sidebar: Bridge was an exhibition sport at the Salt Lake City Winter Olympics, which is background for that clip.)

Man, McCarthy was on a real witch hunt there.

Okay, so just tell Stevens his team looks like a buncha fuckin’ amateurs, and I’m sure that’ll snap him right in line.

“It was really difficult to take [Hackenberg] out.”

since 2010, probably longer than you’ve known many close friends

To you pedants correctly pointing out my misuse of the word extramarital, you’re absolutely right. Also, as a Bills fan in Boston for the last 20 years, just shut the fuck up and let me have this.

If you are in sports, a man, and enjoy extramarital stuff, maybe stay the fuck away from Jupiter.

Wow, that escalated reached escape velocity quickly.

I can’t figure out whether Kyrie is a more savvy Butler, or Jimmy’s the new Kyrie.

As the team sees it, even when he’s wrong, he’s right white.

+1 tangible thing devoid of human value

I can live with a future where sneakers are smarter than I am, but sneakers that shut down systemically to bad QA better than I do is too much to bear.