They took the the Mein Kampf test instead.

The First Amendment states “Congress shall make no law...” which means there is no federal law at all!

Fuck the Penguins too. Get bent, Crosby!

I definitely oppose spending 0.02% of the federal budget on school lunches for poor people because I don’t have freedom if federal dollars are spent thusly, and not because such spending disproportionately provides food for minority children.

Don't bother going for Senate now, Beto. Cristina Ramirez is running and she is an actual progressive.

The Democrats could bait Trump into triggering a global recession, but they also don’t want to trigger a global recession because they actually care about people.

The whole NFL kneeling thing came about because Kaep consulted with a veteran to try and figure out how to respectfully protest. People only care about soldiers and vets in an inchoate way that pretends they’re all one group and coincidentally agree with everything the speaker also believes.

HOAs are their own special circle of hell.

Removed of that particular detail, though, this story offers yet further proof that an awful lot of Americans (not all, as not all are either opportunistic hypocrites nor do all necessarily like American soldiers) are willing to scream “RESPECT OUR TROOPS” when it is…

The laptop that Cam Newton stole in college is technologically more advanced than 95% of North Carolina. 

There could be much dumber moves than picking Julian Castro as VP for the sole purpose of having him work the Latino vote in Texas hard in the run up to the 2020 election.

Lawrence Taylor remembers.

Ok Matt may have the best submission I’ve ever seen.

I went to that 40-16 game and it was beautiful. After Mark Sanchez threw and embarrassing pick-6 a fan interrupted my maniacal laughter by saying, “At least he’s better than Kaepernick!”

Terrorists always end up using human shields.

He kissed that boy on the mouth. Why does anyone talk about anything else?

That’s probably the main thing driving for profit insurance, outside of the for profit insurance industry.

I hate my absurdly misnamed “Cadillac plan”. I fear the capriciousness of my employer that could fire me or just declare bankruptcy tomorrow and leave me without coverage.

I slipped a raw potato from the fridge into his stocking

Your mother is a saint.

Joule thief!