I'm marryin' mine this Saturday!!!! We met online two years ago. I love him so much... he's a sweetheart, and my best friend. I remember talking to him on the phone for the first time... it was like an interview. That wasn't a bad thing, though. He took it seriously, and so did I. And we get to seal the deal in a few…

"Lovers....that word bums me out unless it's between meat and pizza."

Oh I'm away most of the time, except when you are watching a movie, or on the phone, or when you need to take a shower, right before you get ready to make dinner, you know, most of the time.

My current apartment is a two bedroom, about 750 square feet, with free parking, free cable, free high speed internet, free laundry, free heat, free water, in the best school district in the city, overlooking a lake. I pay $770 a month.

A 'walking closet'? Is that like a 'running refrigerator'?

I definately would advise against putting a slipping bag in the walking closet. Nothing good can come of that.

"slipping bag"? Really?! How do you even mess that one up?

AND I’M PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN,

And the minute we say 'okay, a government agency has free range to do whatever as long as they potentially are protecting us' is the minute nothing matters anymore because the terrorists have succeeded in making us all paranoid AND getting more of our freedoms taken away. It's a double-edged sword and there's no…

Let alone what this has to do in any capacity with feminism, which is supposedly what jezebel is about. The line between jezebel and a women's supermarket magazine is dwindling rapidly.

I'm sorry to say this, but nobody cares about your breakup. You're only writing this on Jezebel because all of your actual friends and family are tired of hearing about it. You're complaining about your friends who are trying their best to console you and your boss who is just being honest. Nobody wants to work with…

This is it. The most privileged article ever published on Jezebel. You did it guys. WE did it.

I cheddar the world and the feta cheese, everybody's looking for Stilton!

Sweet dreams are made of cheese - who am I to dis a Brie?

man i kept waiting for that thing to come out singing "hello my baby... hello my darling..."

"This is the closest I get to a spa package" may be the funniest thing, when taken in context, that I have ever heard in my life.

In case anyone cares, this is the other women. Her name is Michelle McGee. This is the girl he cheated on Sandra for. By the time Kat came along he was already in the process of a divorce. Yes, I know too much about this.

Ballin'

Guess what's "Ew" and actually from the nineties?

Jesus Christ, of coooourse you saw a wolf howling at the moon on peyote.