Eeesh! Those tiny cannibal teeth!

Every time I write about a Vampire Diaries star I feel like Buffalo Bill trying to imitate Catherine Martin's screams while she is down in that well in Silence of the Lambs.

It's a well-known fact that 83% of anorexia sufferers weigh 98 lbs.

Why is the "shocking" weight number always 97 or 98 pounds? Are those magic tabloid numbers or something?

I can't even. I CAN'T EVEN. It hurts so much from laughing oww

I REALLY want to put that to a techno beat. That and Morgan Freeman reading the definition of "twerking."

I made this sandwich for both these idiots.

Following that line of thought, I know somebody who named their son Slate. He does not look like a rock.

Don't forget about Isabella or Isabelle. Gods, enough with that name already.

Other names I have seen in my Facebook feed:
Kaytee
McKayleigh
Lilleigh

Fucking kill meigh.

I've never heard the latter.

this is a thing, for proper poop position, that i have tested, and it is sort of awesome. incidentally, it did not turn me silver, but it was fun and fancy freeing anyway

1. Remove all references to "flushable."

Here's an alternative: toilet paper folded over so it's a few extra plies thick + faucet = moist toilet paper. I know, I know - it's brilliant.

Luxembourg was too small to contain her train?

The Royal Ass-sniffer??

Wow, this is the first thing I've seen in over year that makes me want to procreate. Just so I can do this to my kids.

Actually, the Kubrick film is a masterpiece of cinema, while King's novel is mediocre, poorly written rubbish.

I really appreciate James Franco's very deep and postmodern take on pranking, fame and paparazzi. It is really important work that combines performance art, public spectacle, and a wry, thoughtful commentary on social media. Actually, I think if he gets any more pretentious his head will be stuck permanently up his…

John Stamos's bellybutton looks like a sad face.

SKYLAR, GET OUT OF THE BED. IT'S MY TURN.