A suitcase for your fruit... A fruitcase?

GRADE: F- (a gorilla who spells out "PLEASE SAVE ME" in condensation left by his tears in the window to his habitat)

If Harry Morton's father marries Rumer and they have a baby, and Demi marries Harry Morton, Demi would be her own grandmother.

Demi Moore is dating the father of her ex-boyfriend Harry Morton; also, Harry Morton dated her daughter Rumer Willis in 2007.

Since people have been using olive oil safely on their skin for a few thousand years now, you'll forgive me if I say: cite your sources, or GTFO.

I think what you're seeing with Kris is the difference between a flawless face due to foundation and powder (and hers is too light to begin with) and her tanned and freckled body. Foundation has to match the rest of you, or the difference is going to be obvious in that kind of light. She would have looked better if…

you take that BACK Frog!

Cossack dancing, too.

How thrilling that Marky Mark was willing to propel himself towards earning a high school diploma - something that he couldn't bother to do when it came to actually apologizing to that Vietnamese man that he'd blinded.

Can I just say I love Cher? She may be plastic-surgeried to the point of being non-human, but she's always been refreshingly free of media-training BS.

What kind of black magic witchcraft, deal with the devil did Jennifer Aniston make to achieve both her career and her love life???? It's been nearly 20 years since "Friends" and I still can't perceive any visible talent, charisma, or charm. Yet people still keep taking pictures of her and she's still scoring some of…

I didn't realize he was so cute.

I'm partial to the "Thanks, Obama" so many people stick on the end there. I've actually forgotten that people say that for real because I like to stick on the end of truly stupid things—like when there is no creamer for my coffee ("Thanks a lot, Obama"), which just happened this morning.

True Fact: It Makes Words More Important When You Capitalize Them.

Jaden Smith, 15-year-old student at the Scientology-based New Village Leadership Academy

What did Will and Jada do that their kids always have those obnoxiously smug looks on their faces? Does Scientology teach that look?

Twice a day we do a gossip roundup called Dirt Bag. Welcome to our site.

Jaden should consider going to Milford Academy.

Do They Teach Students To Begin Every Word In A Sentence With A Capital Letter At New Village Leadership Academy?