What, and stop collecting the welfares?

Yeah... No fucking doubt in my mind...

Agreed. Also it took years for Stewart, Colbert, Letterman, etc. to find their groove. Not sure why he is getting pulled so quickly.

Okay, but seriously... first of all he’s a fucking wand purveyor... secondly he’s the one who picked the fight.

I detest our idiotic anthem and all the phony jingoistic posturing that accompanies it. There should just be one world anthem sung in Esperanto. Or better still, silence.

Maybe the diamond in the ring is a bigger (i.e. more valuable) prize than the silver in the medal? No?

Bolted from the building.

I don't know what it is, but I'm dying to find out!

Oldheads, evidently.

I have a problem with Al G. too. He owes me $50 for that eighth of weed we split.

“The bad smell is telling us something is growing in there.”

I think it has something to do with the dichotomy of “breast as a sexual fixation of/for men” vs. “breast as a mechanism for feeding babies.” In our society the former is given precedence. Which is pretty fucked up.

Demoted to AAA for utter predictability.

To paraphrase: “I met Ryan Lochte and therefore I am cool. Also I am mentioning that he is a dick, and therefore I am even more cool.”

Maybe it doesn’t have a 13th floor?

My observation is that all Chinese food (in the US) is terrible. Even if people say “I know this great Chinese place!” it still stinks. Do you agree or disagree. Explain. Extra points for neat handwriting.

Menstrual pickles! That’s awesome. Except they probably make them somewhere in Brooklyn and sell them for $800 a jar.

Wait, it was on your chest? Filthy insect!

Don’t forget the trick of committing yourself to some ghastly activity but then killing yourself before the date actually arrives. I did that once and never, ever regretted it (because I was dead).

Me thinketh thou doth protesteth too much, dahling.