If you didn’t think he was liberal or edgy, it’s because you didn’t sit through the talk-show dreck of the preceding decades. If you think Colbert is funny, or Samantha Bee, or whoever, than you should realize Letterman was a massive influence on them.

Oh I get it! But did Trump delete his account?

It all sounds like a pretty obvious and quite avoidable set-up/scam. But there's no question he belongs in jail.

T. Rex takes a back seat to fucking no one.

Ohhhhhhh! I thought “driving off cliff with twin sister” was the name of a yoga pose! Like some tantric shit or some shit.

It is startling how little difference his absence makes.

It’s unthinkable. The only psychological ‘explanation’ I can fathom is that the deeply felt shame inculcated by societal norms outweighs the familial empathy.

Simon Cowell would certainly send the girl on to Hollywood.

His pitching skills are doobious at best.

No, it says “From Bristol’s back porch I can see Heaven.”

Sure, you concede now that your brrrap is against the wall.

Nothing could be farter from the truth. He was fart. No wait, you’re fart.

At first I thought the headline referred to a camp that converts people to become gay. As an uptight hetero dude, I was ready to sign up.

DiCaprio is terrible in everything. Full stop. However, he might be ok in the Johnny Depp biopic. I think he could really immerse himself in the role of entitled, overrated shitbird.

I heard she manipulated him into sex when he just wanted to be held.

How is this not a reality show? As a vicious vegan who was previously a cathartic carnivore, I would totally watch that shit.

You sound angry. Maybe back off the steroids for a few days.

This is a good idea. Too bad I already rolled up my sperm and smoked it.

At first I thought Richard Simmons's chest hair was scary. Then I saw the hair on his head.

Countercounterpoint: in 100 years we’ll all be dead and the embarrassment of a Walter Mondale tattoo will fade. As will the tattoo. Unless the zombies get to it first.