This is so unbelievably sad. The US should welcome these young women with open arms, should they seek asylum.

Lots of crossover...

The first photo makes me long for 1992 so we could lick Bush all over again.

That or a cigarette.

I, too, have a bitter, sour center. Is this why I have thus far failed to convince the world to chew me up?

Dude.

Forget “inspires you.” How about a writer who makes you stinkishly perspire?

Speaking as a straight man, yes I would have sex with the (or a) Rock, but it would technically be more accurate to say that I would allow him to sexificate at me.

Clearly you're not doing enough yoga.

I would sooner have the inside of my mouth scalded beyond recognition than be seen eating a slice of pizza with a knee and fork.

You’re forgetting the cultural importance of things like white bread, white sugar, white rice and tighty-white underpants. Stop oppressing me!

No, having a bloated orange shitbag as president is the true punishment.

It’s also ludicrously unconvincing. It kind of reminds me of when I screw up dinner and apologize profusely as I serve it: “This will probably taste like shit, but I guess it’s better than starving!”

Shit, I would trade my dog for a bag of marijuana.

Wait... who absorbed a pounding?

He doesn’t “slam [them] as enslavement.” He might “slam them for participating in enslavement” or “hold them morally accountable for enslavement” or various other formulations that might make grammatical sense.

You say she is accused of “disseminating” dick pics? Is so, SHAZAM!

No, but his bag does include a harmonica, a pint of quinoa salad, a Barry White LP, a well-thumbed copy of The Brothers Karamazov, a piece of grape Bubble Yum (tarantula eggs optional) and an inflatable life raft.

I have fallen and been trampled. This proves I deserve two-thirds of the prize money.

She were too sexy for her tweet, duh.