He was ok until he got the testicular enlargement done. Now he thinks he's boss of the fucken beach.

Don’t forget all those SANTA = SATAN warnings. I remember being nearly pamphleted to death about that outside our local health food store.

Gingham style! That craze is so two years ago.

When I saw how adorable she was, I figured this story would be uplifting. Turns out it's a downer.

You had me at “Chris Hemsworth” and “sperm.” “Eating human flesh” was just gravy (so to speak).

“Phuc Dat, Bich” would be a funnier name, IMO. Plus having a comma in your name is its own special kind of bichin’.

Similarly, is there anything not annoying as fuck about Joyce Carol Oates?

Somebody should hijack a plane and fly it straight down his revolting pie hole.

I don’t know... I mean, where does it end? Removal of breasts, removal of ovaries, removal of Brad Pitt’s cheesy moustache, partial removal of Jon Voight’s reactionary tendencies, removal of a blind man’s scrotum, complete implantation of organs harvested from alien autopsy... I just don't know where the fuck it ends.

When it comes to marsupials, I defer to the man who comes from down under(boob).

Depends on the cat. If it's a Siamese, forget it. Those things freak me out.

Still beats that time I ended up with a tapeworm and a swastika tattoo.

I figured “push present” meant a reward for letting him push all up in that butt.

Pubic viewings you say.

Makes sense - who else would be tough enough to swallow a live wombat?

According to an old maxim - if a man really wants to impress a woman, after a night of booze-fueled sex he should turn into a pizza.

No, you’re thinking of the lucha libre sexnique known as “tossing the wombat.”

WHY do they hate America? We won that war with our nucular bomb 255 years ago! Time to move on, communists!

I think she wanted to look like the dog in the picture behind her.

I don't think that's funny.