Him: “Picaboooooo!”

Whenever the End Times come, we need to make sure we save Antonio Cromartie for re-population purposes.

Yeah fuck this kid.

Last I know, he was sitting on some stairs for a while.

What about when you played 3 on 3?

Speaking of plant matter that’s kinda been masticated and put in a jar: I was in the Whole Foods getting some coconut oil—the old lady says olive oil is less heat-stable or some shit, plus after I do the goddamn dishes I can use it like a lotion—and Lisa at the checkout line is all, “Hey, have you ever tried the…

“Raph can you turn down the defroster, it makes my sinuses very, very dry”

This is the dumbest question I’ve ever read in my entire life.

...but they’ve already proven they can make a Star Wars movie that looks and feels and sounds like the old classics: ... dialogue I like reciting to myself while taking a shit, etc.

Interviewer: Now that you are retired, are you concerned about CTE?

You should run a KevinDrapersParentheses(parenthesisparens....whatever)Count on my work email, because those are my speciality(specialty....whatever).

My parents are coming from out of town tonight. I’ve been cleaning all morning so I have a question:

What’s the plan to reverse the site’s cratering traffic? More guides on how to act normal around minorities?

Draper’s mom is RomRoberts?

Because it isn’t made of loose granola?

go back to boring us with your soccer deadcast takes, you fucking commie

I discovered beets in a southern Brazil churrascaria just when I needed them most.

What a teaching moment! That kid will ALWAYS remember that night he didn’t get paid for being in a shoe commercial.

being fair, Draper stretches the definition of “writer” as well

Do people not have a sense of humor anymore? Let the sign people have their fun. Anything to brighten my commute to work...