You know, I tried to predict what you were going to say after “It gets weirder!”, and I’m not sure I’d ever have gone there.

Sad reminder that one of the most popular religious texts in the world has a chapter about a whole town wanting to rape an angel and the one “godly” person in town is like “guys don’t be crazy why would you rape an angel when you could just rape my daughters”.

You don’t seem to understand ‘investing’ or ‘opportunity cost’

Now I want a t-shirt that says “a gun is not a rhetorical tool”.

Especially in an unpredictable, emotionally charged situation involving family members. (see: Causes of Overwhelming Majority of Gun Crimes in the US)

You see, popular wisdom tells us that having a gun helps de-escalate a situation* by scaring someone so they run away. In this case hey, it was the guy with the gun who ended up running away. Totally makes sense!

“Our sons, Track and Trig, and our lovely daughters, Chem, Bio, and Literature.”

“Todd Palin told the officer he got his pistol to “protect his family” and met his son with the gun when he came to the door, according to the affidavit.”

You mean ... the presence of a gun on the scene didn’t immediately calm the situation and make things all right?

Cut school bus brakes. Joined Army to stay out of trouble.

I had to look it up. Not nearly as horrible as I worried, but I was better off before I looked it up.

It’s not like he’s the ugliest guy I’ve ever seen, he’s just completely soulless seeming. Those dead, cold eyes. It freaks me out.

This is not half as clever as you think it was.

I’d rather they handle it thusly:

They all probably got annoyed by Mother always being around.

I can’t, because if they did, they wouldn’t be republicans. You might as well ask me to imagine powdered water.

I’ll take Biden for one term than 45 for two.

False: We actually have laws for incidents involving one person convincing another person to commit murder. It’s still murder. Fuck off.

How the meaning of words changes:

This is for the cyberchondriacs: Did you know that you can get strep in places other than your throat? I’m not even talking about sexually transmitted Strep B, either. Just regular old Strep A, the kind that causes the sore throat.