That’s why it’s not called the teethbrush.

And I leave you tonight with the best love song.

When Blink 182 was still super fun.

Even though everyone falls in love sometime, love will tear us apart.

Going through Memphis tomorrow on my way to Chicago. I fucking hate Memphis and I wish it would be laid to waste.

Got mine 2 weeks before my youngest was born. Fiancée had a c-section and she said she wanted me back up and running by the time she was ready to go again.

I saw a billboard advertising this dating service while driving through Cobb County Jawjuh today.

This album is a huge part of the year 2001 for me.

Death - “Politicians In My Eyes”

This is my fiancée and myself when it comes to music.

I would’ve gone with Rubenesque.

Something something Barry Bonds to the Mets something something.

Is this similar to a surprising number of people thinking Eli Whitney was a black man?

Did he forget what Kirby Puckett looked like?

I’m failing to see how fat Jessica Simpson was ever a problem. Wait. It’s because she’s a blonde isn’t it. Yeah. That’s probably the reason.

Came here to make a joke about a Mexican taking another job from a hard working ‘Murican. I like yours better.

‘Nice

My fiancée told me JUST THIS MORNING how excited she is for Prison Break to come back. She then asked me why I don’t care about that show. I countered with “There’s a new season of Archer!” and apparently she was not as excited by that as I am.

Hers 3, 6, and 9 seem like they got some thickness to them, and that’s what I like.

Relationship goals: Find someone who looks at you the way Brady looks at Gronk.