Don’t sleep on the announcer’s “¡Gracias, Messi, por existir!”

I WAS A GRADUATE AT THIS COMMENCEMENT AND THIS WAS BEAUTIFUL MY FRIENDS AND I WERE DYING

I love the ref. “I dunno, this thing said it’s a goal. *shrug*”

Oh, John Hawkes. I missed you on my teevee.

Even though I’m on the east coast and more than awake, I had to read her bib like 5 times before I realized it didn’t say BIOTCH.

This is a pretty embarrassing outing, Captain Midnight. Go back, retool your shtick and come back when you’ve got something that will actually provoke a better response than “you’re a nancy, get rekd [sic].”

The fact that I’m being PENALIZED for being HORNY FOR JOHN KRASINSKI is an absolute DISGRACE and this is WHY Gawker needs to UNIONIZE

I just want to hear Bruce Jenner say that he’s happy. As a kid who built a decathlon in our backyard and competed with my siblings to be Bruce Jenner, I hope he gets to be what makes him happy. He was amazing and defined athleticism and masculinity, so let him define what makes him completely whole.

Do they mean "reversible" as in, this abortion has a waterproof lining, so I can turn it inside out and wear it in the rain?

Hey Captain! Open up! We've got to install these microwave ovens!

This had to be Don Lemon's idea.

Also, Queen Elizabeth has no idea Westeros is fictional and keeps trying to declare war on it.

As a UNC fan, I'm pleased to discover this guy has no game.

This post is fantastic, I'm glad that GRRM hasn't killed you yet, Blackfish.

When I am really into the show (which is like every time I watch it), I totally forget that all of the clones are played by her. She's fantastic.

HIS WIFE WORKS AT GOLDMAN SACHS I FEEL LIKE I'M TAKING CRAZY PILLS

While Deadspin's fixation on pro wrestling (not a sport) irks the shit out of me, I do have to say that Stone Cold knocked that shit out of the park. Bravo, sir.