lol deadspin commenters

God: Shit. [blinks twice]

"...if BuzzFeed's constitutional cynicism were a body of water you could drop the fucking Burj Khalifa into it and be a breeze of dust motes on the far side of the universe before it hit bottom."

Pictured: Barack HUSSEIN Obama uses his Muslim powers to give entire islands The Gay to keep them from telling the truth about #BENGHAZI.

It really is remarkable that the Yankees managed to make A-Rod a sympathetic figure.

In comparison, there’s one number that doesn’t add up at all: price.

So is just everyone a bro now? Seriously this term has been run into the ground, time to get new material.

I like getting my artificial Nissan VQ engine noise the old fashioned way.

Nissan Figures Out One Dirty Trick For Enhancement! Viagra Hates Them!

Correction: I give all the shit. That’s the only reason why I do this.

“No tiger? Dumbass!” was also how my adapted screenplay of The Life of Pi got rejected.

My favorite MJ competitive story was from one of Sam Smith’s books where the Heat were leading the Bulls late and started to trash talk Michael, who was having a going-through-the-motions kind of game. He then went on a one-man 8-0 run in the last two minutes (ending on what Smith called a “SO THERE” dunk) and after…

Jordan than purchased the floundering Charlotte basketball team, achieved a little success, re-branded the franchise the beloved Hornets, got everyone excited for the 2014-15 season, and then ran them into to ground as one final piece of payback for Gill’s transgression.

Ryan Gosling is just always so dreamy and charming.

6.) The Bad Navigator

@6. How about the “Stealth” navigator. My father-in-law for some reason insists on having a standalone GPS unit in the car with him, even when he’s sitting in the far back (minivan) and fixes it to the window. Then he either glares at me (the driver) or looks around quizzically when I don’t take the turn that the GPS…

There is no good reason to play electro/house/techno at 7 a.m. Ever. The senses just aren’t ready for it. My neighbor does and it makes me want to shoot him.

#8:

It's from the Mark Whalberg school of douche. So in your face, so douchey, so desperate, please forget I was in The Jonas Brothers and wore a purity ring. This is something Adam Levin mastered and Justin Bieber thinks he already did as well. The skeevy "sexy" douche type only girls with low self-esteem are into. Quiet…

Uh, this is weird. I mean it's just a little too try-hard. I can't put my finger on why it's annoying to me, but I'm not crazy about this obvious, aggressively-masculine "sexiness" that requires grabbing your junk. Paul Newman is about as aggressively masculine as I want to get.