Chicago is an island amidst a sea of casseroles, even if you guys a) make a weird casserole and call it pizza, and b) put WAY too much shit on your hot dogs.

Oh, I was impressed.

And the Oscar for Bestest Use Of A Kitchenette Inside Joke in a Horrible Customer Story goes to ...

That lady is seriously fucking metal.

We used to frequent a now-closed French restaurant in the DC area. The owner/chef and his wife were French, and once a year, they would close the restaurant, take a month off and go home to visit family. (The restaurant is closed because the owner/chef retired, not because of this policy. ;) )

No?

WE FOUND THE UNICORN

Guys, I swear I'm a really nice and kind doorperson and really want to be considered something akin to a palace cat. I say please to people and haven't picked one fight.

"Bullshit on Parade" is fantastic, though not as good as the tags "Sleep Now in the Fries" and "Grillin' in the Flame" . . .

OK, wait, chintzy pickles? This one I don't know.

A source claims the bar tab was $230,000, with a $47,000 tip.

Attention bad tippers: Paris Hilton is now a better person than you are. BOOM.

You had me at "vulvadoodles", Uber...you had me at "vulvadoodles."

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees.

I hate people with double wide strollers in most places, period. They seem to just have an oversized sense of entitlement to go along with their massive baby carriages. I had two stroller children and they rode in a front/back stroller with no problems.

Nobody puts Baby on the floor.

EXCUSE ME, I AM WEARING DIOR.

It doesn't "happen." Men do this. Then assholes like you work on the attackers' side by attacking the victims again.