I've been in the industry for almost twenty years, and that includes several spent at a well-respected NYC restaurant group that is renowned for its wonderful treatment of employees (which is legit, even though I ultimately hated working in a corporate restaurant group because I'm a sass machine who gives zero fucks…

Man, Taco Bell hires a bunch of whiny narcs these days. When I was in high school, there was quite an illicit afterhours trade situation going on between us Papa John's kids and our Taco Bell counterparts. No sissies in that treehouse - but then again we all had thicker skins in the nineties.

Oh man, I feel you so hard. I've been living in Chicago for the last year, on a brief hiatus from New York City, which I thought (incorrectly) was the hub of high brow industry snobbery. Now, I am in no way slighting this establishment - not only are they very well-respected and masters of using quality ingredients,…

This just melted the ice around my cold, dead heart. Fuck yes.

I don't remember life before Kitchenette, and I don't want to.

I love those moments when you watch the lightbulb go off above a person's head.

I do believe this scenario is the only way to make brunch NOT mean. I'm into it.

This is exactly why I changed my name to Katy Cerritini-Massimo after my new personal heroes punked Yelp in that signature Tuscan style.

I concur! There are always three sides to every story, amirite??

I once worked with a goofy older chef dude who, whenever anyone was weeded, would say "Well! Aren't you in the tall grass!" That was when "weeds" really cemented for me as a concept.

I'm always dubious when people take to any type of social media with their bad service experience and then proceed to use expletives to describe the person with whom they take issue. It's like those Yelp reviews that are all "the food was pretty good, but the service was terrible because apparently the server is…

Dear Jordan Catalano: I don't care if Brian Krakow wrote everything down to your college admissions essay, I'd still hit the shit out of it, and not quit it until I was close to thirty.

See below!

For me, it always goes a little something like this:

Sorry for the delay! I've been on a double double!

The best part of being an industry elder is teaching the young newbies little tricks like cropdusting.

Dude, she rounded UP. I never saw that coming.

I really treasure my Florida lady third boob stories, so this is a huge blow. IS NOTHING SACRED ANYMORE!?

For real, fuck eye contact - working as a host/maître d' at a restaurant is the fastest way to see into someone's soul (double points if that restaurant is in Manhattan). You can tell everything you need to know about a person by how they act when they're being seated by a stranger/trained professional.

We should all rally and get a bunch of willing, exhibitionist curvy and plus size ladies to flood 4chan with sexy photos they "don't wanna see" and at least get a double message across with all of this.