It’s a very special kind of church. Very special.

Um. On behalf of church pot luck everywhere, one thing church folks know is how to feed people. And you take a love offering, rather than charge a fee.

Every time you post pictures of Bruce I get this overwhelming urge to jump in my car, drive to where ever he is, and take him home. He is the handsomest chonk ever.

Peasant. I have my body slave oil me up and use a strigil to remove the gunk before I bathe.

Peasant. I have my body slave oil me up and use a strigil to remove the gunk before I bathe.

Where else can we get a dried out, sad, overpriced veggie patty? Oh right, our grocer’s freezer because there wasn’t anything notably different about the BK version. Bye bye, sandwich I had once and didn't care about.

This sucks. The problem is they put the Impossible Burger on the same grill as everything else while the veggie burger got the microwave. That’s actually preferable to faux meat cooked in burger grease.

Technically it’s a compound bow, not a crossbow. This is laziness incarnate: he probably had all that shit from “hunting”, which is something he likes to pretend to do. This is like a kid who dressed up as “boy scout” because he had the uniform already.

But if the soup is in a bread bowl, is it now a sandwich?

Wait, was Hunter Biden’s dad president?

We moved offices and the new one doesn’t have any vending machines. It’s good for my health, but bad for my soul.

No, we don’t eat cats because they are psychopaths.  And their meat probably tastes like their piss smells.  

Every new movie spawns a new timeline. There’s the timeline that the being (terminator or person) goes back to the past and in doing so they create a new timeline that changes the future events. So every time they make a new movie, they erase the “future” events that had happened in the previous movies. Skynet is…

“Did the check clear? Good!”

I don’t care, it’s chocolate and peanut butter. Reese could label them as just about anything and I’d buy a pack just as enthusiastically:

Except that General Tso’s sauce is infinitely superior to orange chicken sauce and comes with those little dried chiles.

How is General Tso’s not on this list anywhere?

Esther, what are you sitting here slandering Hershey’s chocolate as the worst Halloween candy when Charleston Chew, Good & Plenty, Bit-o-Honey and Necco Wafers are floating around? Not to say anything of raisins!

If Hersheys is the worst you can conjure, you grew up in some high end trick or treating territory.

Do they teach contractions at Trump University? You're numb nuts. YOU'RE!!