Hey you try feeding 1.4 billion mouths.

You’re not as AOS is at the bottom of my list... but Agent Carter is still near the top. 

I would probably get a barbell jack before any kind of speciality bar.  And chains before resistance bands, which are either really expensive or break very easily.  

Maybe it’s yet another difference in east coast/west coast manners, but if someone showed up to my house with TP I’d be a bit offended they didn’t think I would prepare properly.

Is there something stopping you from listening to women and finding something thoughtful to do for them based on what you hear?

but have you considered

Perhaps you are too young to remember the cartoon but Slimer was actually kind of a dick as well as a glutton. Dubious and squicky sexual possibilities aside, he’s just as likely as not to poltergeist you to a new location and leave you just before climax stark-ass naked in the middle of a busy Walmart or something.

Christmas nothing stands out but my mom really whiffed it on my birthday this year which included:

I feel like your parents are assholes.

Those action forms always land better if you edit the text anyway, because the processing software will record them as a unique entry rather than count them as one of a form letter. If you’re going to do them, always change the text.

Yeah, that is what I meant. Your correction is needlessly pompous though.

Mashed potatoes.  And if you say green bean casserole, we can’t be friends.

How about you don’t fucking create additional pollutants inside your house? The level of carbon dioxide isn’t going to be the same as trying to grill inside or anything, but it’s still not good. Cooking is a main source of indoor pollutants already and all you’re doing here is creating a concentrated form of them. …

No one needs to explain their relationships at all....

Strawberry is gross.  Chocolate is the only real shake answer. 

girl just post a picture of you guys kissing to your insta like everyone else who feels insecure in their relationship

perhaps not the best word choice to describe food though

I love looking at the world through logarithms. It looks a lot less like the darkest timeline that way.

It’s not really that pervasive. Seventy percent of adults are vaccinated. It’s just really fucking loud.

Are you going to do a duck for Christmas?