Because he’s black. And he made healthcare available for poor people.

Why do people think Obama is the leftiest left to ever be left? I really don’t understand.

“I am an equal-opportunity lyncher.”

Look, I find the fat jokes about Christie to be pretty damn distasteful at times...but jesus, get a better-fitting uniform, dude.

But what if it was her father filming this video that led her to suicide?

I’m actually so happy she gave a specific number for how much she weights. I know the number isn’t supposed to matter, and two people who weigh the same thing can look very different, but I feel like I’m constantly hearing about women who weigh 135 and want to lose 5 or 10 more lbs and it makes me sick. I just saw Amy…

I know some people have complained about how much love Inside Amy Schumer gets from Jezebel but, as someone who doesn’t have cable, please accept my wholehearted gratitude for posting her clips! The woman is a genius and I love that Jezebel is giving her the shout outs she deserves.

I knew from a young age that to fight like a girl was the prefered style. Guys fight to look tough and cool, girls fight to win. If someone said I fought like a girl I would have no issue with that.*

As a bisexual person, which bathroom should I use?

A year ago when my Time magazine cover came out...

I have no idea what anything I’m this article is talking about/implying.

Whoa, you’re right! She does! That’s like the highest possible compliment and it’s true.

WOW she looks like Jessica Lange!

Jesus christ. I just...like...who wrote up this sign and was like, “Ah, this is good. This is an accurate and respectful and totally legal sign that will cause no problems and is totally fine to post in public. Good job, me!”? How dumb and/or racist do you have to be to write this bullshit?

Don’t worry, everyone.

Uh, so sitting makes your nuts hurt, stand up bro. My tits are gargantuan but I dont get to just slap people with my elbows because they get mashed up. Jesus.

I use this strategy:

Great. Another way for the police to selectively arrest minorities.

“Is it intimidating or something?” she asks. “A woman’s who’s strong, intelligent and muscular? That’s too much for men now?”