Most voters understand “gotchas” much, much better than actual policies and their impact.

You know, New Yorkers know this guy is a clown, a joke. He’s one of us. We like a showman, we enjoy a clown dance, but we don’t take it seriously. Why is everyone else so late to understand this?

Notice how the people who want the biggest, baddest military and advocate invading other countries never serve in the military themselves?

Everyone is free to run for president. I swear we would have stopped him if we could.

He parodies himself. You don’t even need to write jokes about him, the comedy is just there.

Choking shouldn’t be the label for the crime. Let’s call it what it is. It’s attempted murder, plain and fucking simple.

“He literally earned 12 standing ovations and now I am barren.”

More like Goodbyemen.

Ah yes, “shrill”. Right up there with “bossy” and “aggressive”. Thank goodness he keeps reminding us how much he cherishes us or I might have taken this the wrong way.

“THEM SHRILL BIRTHER BITCHES NEED TO GET GONE”

It was ok. All I could think about was that there was no way thise girls would have a deep fryer. They look like they barely eat, let alone something deep fried. Just took me out of it. Oh and Chad, Chad is too strange.

Imagine a white male saying, ‘but my employees are all black men’ after saying a racial epithet.

She really does seem hellbent on making her career as difficult as humanly possible.

I wish she would shut the fuck up so that I can enjoy her goddam music but she refuses.

Eh, I’m with the moms on this one. How do I explain to my kids about puppet sex? This is a lifestyle I don’t approve of.

Yes, Bristol, you’re absolutely right. The police who dragged a 14-year-old out of school in handcuffs for building a science project and subjected him to hours of racist interrogation without allowing him access to a lawyer or his parents are the real victims here. The police and white people everywhere. Can’t put…

include the issuance of a license to engage in sodomy

“If public officials don’t want to do their jobs then they don’t need to be public officials.”