I have NO beef with this concept. We have a list of needs to be met, and we want someone to meet those needs. Knowing yourself well enough to define what that should look like is fine.

Here are the things that stuck out to me about this article:

You know how “Christ, what an asshole” is the perfect universal caption for New Yorker cartoons? “Shut up, Morrissey” is the perfect response to anything he ever says. (Though “Christ, what an asshole” works there, too, now that I think about it!)

Presumably, I would have made this face in 2013

So, I like Disney well enough, I’m looking forward to taking my kids someday.

To be fair, you have very nice feet.

Look, I’m penis not here looking for dink a fight, but it’s weiner misandrist comments like dick yours that make peepee it so hard for men boner and women to unite dong against common enemies like 45.

DAN IS NEVER AND WILL NEVER BE GG EVER

Everyones here for the “yellow face” - I’m here for the nose.

I cackled.

I can’t get over how many times you have to change outfits for babies! SO. MUCH. LAUNDRY. My baby is a spitter too and she loves to puke it up all over my leggings and the bed spread. oh babies

Whenever I get invited to a baby shower my gift is a of pack of white undershirts, one of those squeezy book toys, and a gift card that most recipients tell me will be spent on diapers. That shit, pun intended, adds up quick. Especially if you aren’t able to buy in bulk or don’t have other shopping options. If not for…

my baby likes to crap in a fresh diaper so she waits until I change her then soils it immediately (this happens at least once a day).

Kristen Ritter, Vogue Knitting Covergirl, would like a quiet word outside.

Katherine is definitely in the top tier of celebrity knitters I’ve seen, in terms of the complexity of what she takes on and the quality of her FOs. Obviously Amanda Seyfried is god-tier but Katherine’s no slouch. (God damn do celebrities love some chunky yarn, though.)

I see that Heigl is trying to be as Mormony as possible without actually practicing the religion. Next step: selling Pampered Chef, Lipsense, or (God help us) Lularoe.

Every time I see Pirro, I mentally replace her with Sally Langston from Scandal.

I hope you enjoy this song.

The irony of the Sandra Brown ‘do of course being that she can write sex scenes in CIRCLES around E.L James and has been since the mid 1980s.