How’d you guys figure out which one of you would be the straight man?

Holy shit I found something I hate even more than either of their comments.

Whenever some uppity Crossfitter gushes about how some steakhead idol of theirs totally crushed a 21 minute 5k at the “Games” I like to point out that their time would maybe be good enough to place at a middle school or JV cross country meet, full of lanky degenerates who hate training like those described in this…

Very discreetly put the cell phone back in your pocket.

Duh. At that point you take out one of your balls.

i have 2 kids—-also, i wonder if Danny Glover wiped first before ending up in the bathtub??

He is wearing a hat, not a helmet, so I guess the Mets will win.

How is this dumb as fuck hot take a followed commenter? This should get that status revoked.

I would do anything for meatloaf, but I won’t do that.

My dog had the same eyelid surgery as Lisa. They actually had to remove the foreskin from his penis to create new eyelids. He is perfectly fine now, just a little cockeyed.

You could have just kept it on the lo, mein.