Tried to watch but just couldn’t take her serious with her giant hipster glasses falling off her face.

puritans or purists? ;)

tell us an app on your phone you cant do without and tell us your favorite time wasting game on your phone.

Although DC is known for its lying liars, I think you meant ‘likeable’. Otherwise great write-up (could have sprinkled in some Dan Snyder hate though).

Jimenez looke dlike the BP pitcher out there, just lobbing meatballs down the middle of the plate.

...that’s what I was going for...

Jiminez looked like the batting practice pitcher out there. WTF, Buck!?!? Fuck Toronto and their garbage fans and their terrible player’s haircuts.

There’s no such thing as a hot water heater, it’s a water heater. Why would you need to heat hot water?

“psssst...(whispers) you’re not straight”

well, at least none of them caught fire.

If he’s so smart, why’d it only take him about 20 seconds to make a common grammatical error? Saying  “...the NFL really could care less”. What he should have said was couldn’t.

I would say the rock climbing facility is still functional.

a dad

but you missed out on an obvious simpsons reference.

no way, you grey dong lover! 8 minute mile is not jogging, that’s fast and definitely running. Take your humblebrag attempts elsewhere.

CLAP ON
CLAP OFF
CLAP ON-CLAP-OFF! THE CLAPPER!!!!

Maryland too.

a lot of people didn’t watch the US Open this year.