Stretch Armstrong is a lawyer?

clearly they were fighting over who had the worst beard

...his face still looking like his mom made him try on a shirt he doesn’t like.

Was there a trampling? Man, I hope there was a trampling.

I don’t disagree with anything you wrote but can we as a society focus on real problems? Fuck Cecil. Fuck the dipshit dentist. Fuck Gawker for posting a handful of different posts all saying the same thing. And fuck all the fake, misguided outrage and uproar this story has generated. Why not focus our outrage on…

The Nats wouldn’t have gone looking for a closer if Storen could, you know, close a game.

This is the only worthwhile one:

disrobing blackjack dealers? weird.

Don’t worry, it’s good luck.

New Jersey golden showers: go big or go home.

Aren’t white guy who dress like this usually known for yelling at their wives and not each other?

This was my favorite of the joke submissions that I saw:

you forgot the brewery (Ballast Point) for #5 Even Keel

Great piece, very funny! Your dad sounds awesome. I am enjoying turning into my strange and cheap father as my kids get older and I will definitely borrow some of your dad’s time-wasters and money-savers.

Jalapenos are a mexican pepper an don’t pretend to know about food and then hate on onions. Onions are a key ingredient to many tasty dishes, including guacamole. You can even get a 10 pound bag of them from your local car dealership.

So her responses are either the same as Drew’s or different than Drew’s? Is there any other possible outcome?

A moment of silent farting and a brief pour-out of their soggy-bun-water cups for their homie who couldnt be there.

that was a pretty sweet bicycle kick.

“Not too high, too hard.”

Theres nothing like a picture of a Nieman Marcus store to help illustrate “affordability”