"I don't like the idea of this Dallas trip"—Roger Goodell, Dec. 15, 1963

So what you're saying is that Roger Goddell is a Highlander?

I like to think of his clients who choose to get a therapeutic massage from an 85 year old (he retired in 2007) man named Dick Butt. Makes you wonder exactly how he was a legend in his field.

Earl Badu's suicide. It's dark but worth it

So now you've sued the only business that needs punters and slammed the only media that follows punters. You're a real fucking genius.

In my mind, Giants get an enormous, 10-year-or-so pass for "18-1", which was God's work.

So you were with leather?

As a Cowboys fan, I must speak up for my team. We can out-douchebag the Pats and the Steelers any day of the week.

I'd say you are selling your team short on both acounts. The recent double on championships counts for a lot, other results notwithstanding, and the special brand of self-important "doing IT the right way" the "G-men" (are you getting this?) represent is only rivaled (accurately described in the chart) by the Steelers…

+6 the other way

In related news, Giants fans mourn the passing of Eli Manning.

You say "I am cool" so many times, it's almost like you're trying to convince yourself.

Raysism: [passes out]

That group probably will give you the best soccer. Athletic took out Napoli in the qualifier, and Porto has installed a tiki taka-like system that so far has seen them win all four of their games while not allowing a single goal. Shakhtar, if they keep their players, is always a counter-attacking threat (even if they…

I think a better solution would be instead of boards, have a ledge that players will fall over and then a Turtle on a cloud with a fishing pole rescues them and drops them back in the middle of the ice.

You know what they say, "When there's grass on the field, that's Wimbledon. The U.S. Open is played on hard courts, you stupid fucking asshole."

Angel Di Maria: This is impressive, I am very excited.

Why Your Team Sucks: 2014 Manchester United

of course it sucked, there was no Tatiana Maslany