Actually, been married for almost 20 years with four kids to show for it. ;)

I’m a Tex-pat. Whenever I go back to visit, I’m inevitably asked “when” (not “if”) my husband and I are planning on moving back.

This is what’s wrong with America right here. This. Not Bristol Palin herself, but what she represents — the fact that so many stunningly, proudly pig-ignorant, determinedly undereducated, information-resistant people think they know enough about anything to tell others how they should think and behave.

Yes, Bristol, you’re absolutely right. The police who dragged a 14-year-old out of school in handcuffs for building a science project and subjected him to hours of racist interrogation without allowing him access to a lawyer or his parents are the real victims here. The police and white people everywhere. Can’t put…

I’m married to a Texan who actively never wants to live there again and thinks they are all idiots. If you know Texans, you know how huge that is. I’m so saving this picture for him hahahahaha.

As an educator in Texas, our school districts have been on my shit list for years.

Yep, but nope, because judges have to avoid the appearance of bias, and if he doesn’t want to perform marriages for same sex marriages but performs them for heterosexual couples, it shows that he is biased against gay citizens, who might appear before him in court. So he really should be tossed off the bench, since he…

include the issuance of a license to engage in sodomy

It says I’m Donald Trump.

“Teenage pot use did not rise.”

More coherent, too.

Yep. I have BEEN THERE and I get it. It has to be workable. My marriage broke up — rather, I had had enough — while overseas, with two medium-aged children. The logistics are not to be minimized.

So, let me get this right. Someone did a rape kit, got a DNA sample from the accused rapist, looked at video footage, matched the guy’s DNA to the DNA from the rape kit, took seriously the accounts of another woman who came forward more than a year after the fact, and actually charged the fucker with felony rape…

This, and this again. But hey, they're probably just lying whores looking for that sweet rape money. Like all women. Right?

Trump’s speeches are the same thing a comedian does when they perform at “City X.”

Did anyone see the portrait of Donald Trump painted in menstrual blood? It gives me feelings. Like on the one hand, HAHAHAHA, but on the other hand he doesn’t even deserve the attention.

I want to place a bet that Barack “No Fucks” Obama smokes a cigarette during his next State of the Union.

We are now older than the dad in that PSA.

If the ‘80s taught us anything, it’s the importance of parents and children spending quality time, bonding over mutual interests.