God fucking damnit.

I plan on naming my son “Dog” for the same reason.

Welcome to the real world, kids. Nobody gets a break in the age of technology. I love how the one kid exaggerates and pretends like a hoax terror threat somehow equates to “we probably dying.”

I have 28 sweet teeth and I have to agree: this is the callous ruination of 6 innocent, perfect desserts. It’s monstrous to behold.

But then you still have icing on top of pie which is an abomination.

Happy, jealous, same thing. **I’m half joking, but half serious. They look really happy and in love. She didn’t wait for the People magazine spread. Fuck that, she posted that shit on Instagram for the world to see. Good on you girl. If I were marrying him and looked like her, my Instagram would chronicle every second…

In trial, Fogle reportedly sobbed as he recounted how he’d hurt his family and his wife, who would be a single mother should he go to prison.

As a former library paraprofessional let me say, the shit that goes on in libraries is every bit as bizarre, often moreso, than your average eatery.

The writing on that one is the BEST. I lost it at fleeing the great Fucks Famine of 2015.

I am almost 46 with three kids and I would hurl myself off a cliff in short order if I found out I were pregnant again.

This is why my husband got a vasectomy, we ain’t taking any chances.

Our family tradition at Christmas is to go out Christmas Eve for lunch at a greasy spoon, be polite to the server, and leave a $100 tip in cash. It’s kind of selfish, actually— we all get to feel super altruistic, and we race to get out before the server finds the cash and feels like they need to thank us.

That's what they said about the pancreas and where are those people now?

Its just a human body part

Co-signed.

Just wearing an underwire bra felt like stabbing death at that point my my pregnancy. I can’t imagine dressing as she has every day. I mean, if she’s cool with it, whatever, but it would make me sad if she were torturing herself for fashion’s sake.

I feel ya Kim. I didn’t actually hate being pregnant but I totally felt like a whale. Thus I referred to myself as a whale or a pregnoppotamus. You just reach a point where you have to roll to get out of bed and if you can't joke about it, you'll cry about it. So you might as well laugh.

First rule of getting a tattoo: NEVER get a S/O name tattooed anywhere on your body!!

God bless Kim K. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Pregnancy was the most miserable, bloated, depressive, back-painful, bladder-killing, sciatica-causing experience and I begged my doctor for a hysterectomy a few hours after delivery. GOD BLESS YOU, KIM. KEEP SPEAKING THE TRUTH.

IT BELONGS IN A MUSEUM