Guess you haven’t seen her picture.

Imagine how fast he’d be if he weren’t dragging a giant set of nuts everywhere.

I legitimately did not know that calling a blog on the telephone was actually possible (much less something that people do).

It’s like my dad always says, [three minute voicemail of car noises and AM radio, muffled by his pocket].

“It’s not over yet. We still have a chance to come back and win it all.”

But his fisting hand is okay, right?

Bound to happen if you pitch, hit, and fuck with the same appendage.

It actually doesn’t impact that at all when you realize that the Browns spend most of the game with their heads shoved up their own asses.

I forget where I recently heard this - but apparently helmet stripes also have a utilitarian purpose. It allows coaches reviewing film (I’m assuming from an all 22 type angle) to see which way a player is facing - as the stripe stops at the face mask.

My best friend and I dressed up as Burt and Ernie for halloween about 8 years ago. Went out and got pretty hammered at the bars, and then I see down the street, Cookie Monster, just standing there. Well I thought it was a good idea to jump on his back, we both fell to the ground, and that’s when I feel a shot to the…

“I’m very sorry that you caught me doing shit I wasn’t supposed to do, and I vow to never again get caught doing that particular shit.”

Milwaukee Police Chief Alfonso Morales held a presser this evening and released a statement apologizing for the unnecessary force used on Brown.

He was quoting Xeno’s Paradox which has been wowing freshman and/or drunks for centuries. Quantum mechanics and the concept of the Planck Length resolve the paradox.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zeno%27s_paradoxes if you want to see more than just the “you always walk only half of the remaining distance, thus you never actually get somewhere, thus motion is an illusion” one like the arrow towards an apple.

“Big Dookie! 9-1-1!” - Tim Horton’s manager

this is one of the best deadspin comments I’ve seen, and I’ve been here since ‘10. great hustle.

I’ve read these sites for years, but this is what finally made me create an account to give a star.

I’ve got tons of work to do today, but I took the time to login and give you a star. Some things just can’t wait.