I own 3 stethoscopes, and used all of them during the course of my bedside nursing career. I bought the first one when I was accepted into nursing school, since it was part of the “required uniform” for student nurses. If I showed up to clinicals without it, I would be sent home. When I graduated and accepted a…

Jez. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.

I know which one I’d attend

Solution: No Pants Lounging. Whatever you’re wearing, just take ‘em off. Undies and a blanket. Done. BOOM.

When I managed a Borders we were also responsible for this small calendar kiosk on the other side of the shopping center. I was there covering someone’s lunch break and this crazed woman came over demanding why we had no bichon frise calendars. The dog calendar people were always the weirdest.

If you don’t want to make a cake from a mix then make it from one of the bajillion cake recipes to be found in a cookbook or the internet or your grandma’s purse, you dumb twat. Don’t come up with more boxed cake mixes for store shelves. I like SMG, this is a disappointing amount of fuckery. It has nothing to do with…

As a woman, I hate when men tell me to smile. I will smile if I want to, but thanks for the suggestion.

Never has an Ernest P. Worrell gif been so astute.

nah

So, when I was in kindergarten, I wasn’t allowed to carry an umbrella on the bus.

I had this happen when I volunteered at my daughter’s school for picture day. I was no-makeup, hair in a bun, baggy sweatshirt, and 33 goddamn years old. A teacher came up to me and said “Whose class are you in, sweetie?”

When I was in third grade I started school a week late because my family was in Europe. When I got back I thought all my friends would be excited to see me but instead I found out that someone had started a rumor I had died.

I went to Texas State. It’s the school kids go to when they aren’t good enough to get into UT.

Where is the Sally Draper American Girl doll

What the actual fuck? Alaskans, native or otherwise, have been calling that mountain Denali since forever. Jesus.

HARRY POTTER IS REAL. THESE PORTAPOTTYS WERE MEANT FOR THE MINISTRY OF MAGIC.

Rihanna’s perfumes are GOOD. Reb’l Fleur is one of my favorite perfumes that I own. Definitely better than your average celebrity fragrance. And it seems better quality too: unlike many celebrity fragrances, which seem to fade after an hour, Reb’l Fleur lasts ALL DAY. It's a powerful scent with a lot of personality. I…

He’s a Lear and she’s a Lady Macbeth.