GUHHHHHHHHHHHH, I just bought two pairs of shoes (wanna see?), but I NEED those boots. Clearly I need more brown shoes. My ratio is off.

It's actually crazy, because I have insanely long and curly eyelashes. When I do wear mascara, my eyelashes look uhMAHHHHzing and I often get asked if I'm wearing extensions or fakes (this is not a backdoor brag, it is a billboard in time square brag get fucking at me) but when I don't wear mascara I might as well…

Blond eyelashes unite!

When I don't wear mascara people ask me if I'm dying of stage 4 cancer, so Uma, I feel yew heavy.

Yeah, there are so many guys who seem to think women are trying to trick them if they're wearing noticeable makeup. It's just... what? No, she does not think her red lipstick is actually tricking you into thinking her lips are naturally that color. Noticeable makeup is a lot less tricky than natural makeup. Like, most…

Her?

Someone posted this over on io9 earlier. YES, PLEASE.

Kathy has nothing on Mama Joyce

I think this might be the first time I've seen all of you in photos larger than your tiny avatars.

Yo is squeezing lemons of joy in both hands.

Wait til you hit Rouge! It's terrible! And kind of fun! But mostly terrible. Kind of funny. I was planning a makeup history (ideally weekly) feature on GT. So there will suddenly be A LOT of beauty stuff. Exciting :)

Anywhere you go let me go too. That's all I ask of you!

I love Sorority girls' penchant for fancy-ing up even the most mundane of details. "GOD BECKY THIS DRESS ISN'T PURPLE YOU DUMB BITCH IT'S CLEARLY AUBERGINE."

I would have to bet on Keaton to take Best Actor right now. That's basically a lock. Cumberbatch and Redmayne will split the Classic British Actor vote, the Academy appreciates Carell's serious turn but won't award it to him this time out, and Cooper is like a DiCaprio—they like nominating him for but not actually…

I loved the fucking shit out of this book, movie and the character Amy.

I hit level 28 and then they just like, stopped giving me the special jobs (the ones that Simon and Maria call you into their office for). I had no more missions or anything besides the bullshit jobs Simon would call me for every hour, so I put the game down for a month.

I basically kept going on dates with the same person until I hit the max points with him. Never mind that I had to pay for all the dates. And they insult what you wear until you hit enough points for them to say "i love you." Got married in Italy and had to pay for everything myself. DUDE IS A FREELOADER. Part of me…

OMG. I'm at level 26 because my job is boring and I might as well play a dumb game on my phone. But seriously, if I have to go on one more 24hr date with my "husband" I will kill my character off.

True story. I have moved on from Kim Kardashian: Hollywood and now play Covet Fashion. Don't look at me like that.