I don’t care if she let the principal and the superintendent of schools get her in a raw dog threesome...at 13, I was just glad to stay out of jail.

I’m picturing J.K. Simmons as the principal, Steve Buscemi as “Idiot”, one of the Mara sisters as my mom...get the popcorn, I’ve got all the stories you like about my childhood (the story told above doesn’t include the time I nearly lost my virginity to the guy’s daughter...I was 11, she was 12. Fun story involving…

I don’t know what I expected from James Deen’s origin story.

The salami was funny, blaming it on Kevin was not. Ass.

it wasn’t my first incident.

We actually have a great relationship now. Not perfect but I now understand how frustrated and humiliated she was back then dealing with my womanizing abusive fuck of a father. It hurt at the time and I won’t ever forget how words can stay with you at such a young age, but knowing where it was coming from all these…

2 weeks after I had my 2nd son and actually had already lost most of my weight my mother and I are at Target (I'm holding my infant)and she says (she had 8 children but has never weighed more than 105lbs) “WHEN are you going to lose weight? Why haven’t you started exercising!?” 2 older women (strangers) walked up to…

“She looks like a clown’s whore.”

I count myself as very, very lucky that my parents have never said anything bad about my looks (other than the practical, like, “If you’d actually wash your face once in a while your skin wouldn’t look so bad”). I ended up with an eating disorder anyway.

As she was putting the turkey on the table for Thanksgiving dinner, “It’s a Butterball, just like Missy.”

“You have the body of a 40 year old!” - my mother, upset over my bust/hip ratio while hand-tailoring my junior prom dress. I was 15 and, for the 80s, too fat to live. Apparently.

“Boys don’t like fatties.” My mom told me that about a thousand times. Guess what? Boys like me fine.

On vacation with my dad and brother, I decide to wear a bikini.

I gained weight after I turned 12, it was just normal puberty and changes. My father said I looked like a potato. Typical French father, I think. He didn't mean it to hurt me. I cried about it.

Holy shit...I never knew that was a thing.
I never heard any mention of this night terrors/tiny hands thing before.
I used to have that all the time when I was a kid, and yes it sucked pretty hard.
I even got a visit from the old hag once...dressed as my mom.

UM THERE ARE TWO FAB SONGS FROM THAT FILM TYVM

Starring Tom Hanks!

When I was a kid, I was playing 4 sports at a time (Ice Hockey, Roller Hockey, Soccer and Cross Country), so I used to eat like a horse. One time, the Rosenberg family went to a buffet that had King Crab legs. I proceeded to eat like 7.75 plates of crab legs and a bunch of other stuff and about a gallon of Dr Pepper.…