Can’t tell you how many text messages I exchanged with friends seriously worrying about the health of a person I have never met and will likely never meet.

Jesus, man. This is harrowing. Like everyone else in the comments, I’m glad things didn’t go differently.

Craig Counsel: you are a puppet whose strings have gotten tangled, and are being lifted up by your bat to be tossed into the garbage.

I’ve seen Deadspin compared to a lot of things in my day, but Megan’s dad comparing it to People is the most brutal assessment yet. 

If Ley’s mom doesn’t present Ass Team of the Year at the 2019 Deadspin awards it will prove life is meaningless and has no purpose.

On the subject of Paying your Dues,

It’s amazing that even while being Univisioned y’all can produce incredible work like this. Thank you.

They’re on top of the world and are in control of the whole game, but can’t stop playing the victim card and whining like pathetic losers about how much everyone is out to get them. It’s not only annoying, it’s completely counterproductive, as they’re going to wake up soon on the bottom of the world, with no one to…

HOLY SHIT THAT HUSBAND IN THE EMAIL OF THE WEEK

I’m sure these kids have seen enough divers the last few days.

Hey BTL: So the Baltimore Sun has done several news stories, a sports column, and even an editorial on this particular prep football debacle. I bet you “Not news!”’d the Colts leaving town stories too.

wtf is whiskey and ginger beer? Dark and Stormy is the only correct answer here.

*points at Tom with horribly mangled arm*

Top to bottom, a climactic run.

i can’t help but think that Russell Westbrook answers the question “what if Steve Smith had played basketball instead of football?”

I mean, I love me some Semi-Charmed Life and all but one of those things is definitely not like the others

When I was stationed in England, SkySports also carried two NFL games. Sometimes they were not the same games as AFN, giving me as many as four to choose from. Never had that kind of choice again.

It’s just a flight of B-17s coming in from California. Nothing to worry about....

If the Seahawks do get blown up, it will definitely be an inside job utilizing a controlled explosion.

How the hell do you post about Abe Lincoln in GMIPH and not include the phrase “Lincoln log?”