I LOVE THIS. But where are the beepers???

I had a guy tell me how the worst thing that can happen when going on a date from the internet is the woman is fat. That women worry about a guy being a killer but guys worry about his date being fat. He didn’t make this comparison to say how much worse and scary it is for a woman out there but to literally equate…

Also update if anyone hasn’t seen it:

My brother told me that one too! He said there was a string inside your body that attached them.

Heated marble floors. I wants them.

I really liked Elizabeth Banks’ dress at that premiere. Also, her hair is very nice.

I have a friend (really) who did 90 days in a Federal camp last year. She told her boyfriend that she was coming out on a Wednesday. She had me pick her up on Tuesday, take her to get her hair colored, eyebrows waxed, a facial and Botox. We stayed in a hotel near the camp that night. The next day she changed back into…

I like this so much better than “Homer backs into bushes”

More like “Lackie” because there’s definitely something missing. I think it’s the bone structure. I know that there is a way for actors to tighten and release facial muscles, as well as use prosthetics, but there just isn’t a single shared feature. Katie Holmes at least had the pointy chin, less angular face shape,…

Can we just let the midwest and the south form their own country? Give them no tax money and not let them cross into the boarders with normal people?

As someone suggested in the last Jez story on this topic, maybe it’s time to start sending these legislators used pads and tampons, because embryonic tissue.

Falling into vaginas?

a shonda

Other than giving up bagels and cream cheese, it’s a very reasonable list

SORRY NOT SORRY FOR CRYING DURING YOUR MASTURBATION

As per QVC website for the Pomegranate variety, emphasis my own:

ANIMATED crying and masturbating.