Two in the pink, one in the...ear?

Anyone who has played Words With Friends knows exactly how this works and I will MURDER THE NEXT MOTHERFUCKER WHO DROPS QI ON A TRIPLE LETTER TILE.

I would watch a movie about this.

How many of those did you have to Google?

If he had, it’d be like this:

C’mon Billy, he’s allowed to use his hands in the box.

What a buffon!

Today the @Creed Greatest Hits album was played during the team lift.
Today was a good day.

I never realized Ice Cube lyrics were so corny.

Appropriate as NFL defenses will be greeting Cousins with arms wide open all season long.

Interestingly, this actually does offend 9 out of 10 Native Americans.

Hi everyone. Please estimate how long in minutes my co-workers spent talking without interruption about Martha’s Facebook live yesterday.

I had a work meeting at her magazine last year, and she not only stopped in to say hi, she sat down, chatted with me, then we ate quiche together. She was lovely, but no-nonsense. It was surreal.

Nice to see Kessel taking a break from ruining the Maple Leafs.

Hopefully Draymond Green doesn’t wake up tied to railroad tracks.

Huh, usually for the super rich it’s “Keep sucking, or I won’t pay you.”

1. Change things.