This explains everything. 

You can never be too sure. Even if you’re a thousand miles from the border, it could happen. 

This is chief among the reasons why I refuse to run.

I guess they didn't anticipate something like this happening once the Supreme Court ruled that you can refuse to bake wedding cakes for gay couples. 

The Aristocrats!

A soothing fantasy I have:

So...

What are the odds that this woman would gush over white kids selling lemonade.

I’d agree with you, if it wasn’t for the fact that the music industry didn’t have a habit of DMCAing people for singing the “Happy Birthday”-song.

I could see someone saying life is too short for 121 hours of Lost. But you can shotgun 14.5 hours of Eastbound and a Down in a lonely weekend and at least 8.75 of them are great.

Life is too short for four seasons of Eastbound & Down.

Round lights, all the way. It’s just feels more correctly VW-ish.

Nah, he’s not racist, he totally has a black friend.

“Have some respect for the office if not the man!”

As a gentleman who weighs 224 pounds and has only ever been “not really fat” AT BEST in his life, I say unto you: fuck off, sir. Fuck off good and hard.

If you want weird shapes you should lookup the gerrymandered congressional district version.

@ grayed doucher (Absalom, Absalom!),

Today I learned: you can’t care about a child if you don’t have one. If only that applied to a uterus.

“They care far more about foreigners than their own people.”

Champagne-like beer, you say?